This Grimmauld Place
by mystorytotell
Summary: This is a continuation of the Muggleborn Slytherin. All based in Grimmauld Place, here are several oneshots, with more on the way, of how my OC, Skylar French, experiences the beginning of the war. Explores her relationships with the twins, Snape, Sirius, Remus, Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. R&R b/c your suggestions, questions, etc will help me shape the rest of the story.
1. To Be a Conscious Pawn

A/N: So getting to that part in _The Muggleborn Slytherin_ when I want a short break. Eventually, I hope to be able to write Skylar's perspective for all the books, but though I've already got most the story in my head, it might take a while to get it all down in ink… or code or whatever…. So here's a bit of how _Order of the Phoenix_ would start for Skylar. Sorry for any inconsistencies; I don't have OOTP in front of me.

A/N#2: This used to be titled _A Pawn or Not_ , but I didn't like that much. Thanks to Luna Jinx for the idea for the new title!

"Alright, you lot," Arthur said to us kids all gathered around him. Usually, Arthur would be more of the helper than the director of our two parents, but right now, his wife, Molly, wasn't really up to her usual role of director. Usually a very strong woman, Molly had lately been prone to sniffles and sobs. And all because of that absolute _git_ , Percy Weasley. He had stormed out a week after we had all returned from Hogwarts, the news of Voldemort's return already an absolute fact in our minds. But even though he had been there at the Tri-Wizard Tournament with the rest of us and had seen exactly as much as the rest of us, except for Harry and, to a lesser extent, myself, he didn't believe in Voldemort's return. That was bad enough, but something that could be excused at least a little, I thought. But at the start of the summer, Percy, the boy who set so much store by his position and title, was promoted to an assistant to the Minister of Magic himself. Fudge didn't agree with Dumbledore and Harry on Voldemort's return and like Percy, refused to even think about it. Because the return of the darkest wizard in modern memory would change everything, destroying the peace everyone was now comfortable with. He was worried the Weasleys would follow Dumbledore, like we always did, and though we had no actual proof, we were all suspicious that this was the real reason Percy had been promoted so high so quickly. When Arthur told Percy this, it turned into a long, heated debate. Percy stayed with the Ministry's line of theory that Harry was crazy, that Dumbledore was getting batty and that anyone who followed either of them was a fool.

I had never seen Arthur so upset. He was usually the laid back one while Molly would argue and lecture. This time though, Molly played peacemaker between father and son, unsuccessfully. Percy stormed out, screaming that we would all see that he was right soon enough and I had to hold the twins back from following him with their wands blazing. I only restrained them with Molly in mind—she was already fragile enough. The twins were officially adults which meant they could use magic whenever they wanted and it took a lot of convincing over the next few weeks for them not to go blow up his new flat. Had I been of age too though, I might have helped them. Nowadays, Molly was usually red-eyed and had a damp handkerchief close at hand. We all had to tip-toe around any subject concerning Percy and half the time, even that didn't work.

"Read this," Arthur continued, passing a small slip of parchment around to us all. Molly must have already seen it or didn't care about it because she didn't even touch it when Ginny offered it to her. When George passed it to me, I saw that it had an address on it: 12 Grimmauld Place, London. "This is where we'll be going tonight."

"Sirius's place?" I asked. He had never called the house home, but over the last couple years of talking to him, the name had come up a few time, spoken with the same bitterness he used for his mother, father, and brother.

"Yes, it is. He's offered it to the Order as a hidden meeting place." All the kids looked at one another, wondering if we would finally get an explanation. Ever since we got home from Hogwarts, Molly and Arthur had been whispering about 'The Order' with each other and the unusual number of guests, some of whom we knew like Mad Eye Moody and Professor McGonagall, and some we didn't know like the weird girl Tonks and the sleazy Mundungus Fletcher. But no one ever talked to us about it which drove us all crazy. We had all taken to eavesdropping at doorways and through keyholes. The twins were working on an eavesdropping device called Extendable Ears, but we had only finished it last night and hadn't had time to test it yet.

"Well, that's quite nice of him, isn't it?" Hermione ventured tentatively. She had been here for a few days. She had wanted to know what was going on of course, but Dumbledore had also worried that as both a close ally of Harry Potter and a muggleborn, some of Voldemort's followers might try to seek her out. She had come to make sure her parents stayed out of harm's way if she was a target.

Arthur smiled at her comment, but otherwise only continued with his instructions. "We'll be flying out in a few minutes," he said. "Have you all memorized the address?" We all nodded again and he crumpled the paper, dropping it on the counter and setting it on fire with the tip of his wand. "The place is protected by the Fidelius Charm. Knowing that address makes you all Secret Keepers. You must not share the address with anyone." His voice was unusually stern and made me gulp a little.

"But dad, what if we want to invite friends over, dad?" Fred asked in his usual joking way.

"Yeah, we want to have a party," George added.

I elbowed them both from where I stood between them as Arthur very seriously said, _"No one, boys,"_ with a hard look at each of them. When they both nodded meekly, he wrapped up. "Alright, everyone. We're going to divide into pairs. Ron and Hermione, Fred and Skylar, George and Ginny. Stay with your partner. If you fall behind the group, twins, send up sparks with your wand, Ron and Hermione, yell. If you notice someone missing, get our attention and we'll go back. Do you all understand?" At our murmur to the positive, he nodded and we all headed out into the yard, the adults levitating their trunks, the rest of us dragging them behind us. After getting everything harnessed to our brooms, we mounted. "Everyone ready?" Arthur called. At his signal, we all lifted off as one, Fred on my left, Ginny on my right, a pack following Arthur and Molly.

It was a long, long flight. A cold flight too. I kept my cloak curled as tightly around me as I could, but I needed one hand to do that and I couldn't steer well with only one hand on my broomstick. The wind was blowing the past us as we rode and at one point, my fingers were rather frozen to the broomstick and my teeth were chattering. Looking as far side to side as I could, I could tell the others weren't faring much better. Finally, _finally_ we landed in an alley between two muggle apartment buildings. We unhitched everything, once again dragging our trunks, and stepped out into the street. There was nothing abnormal about it. Just a row of buildings and I didn't notice one was missing until it appeared. The house numbers had gone straight from 11 to 13, but now, 12 seemed to be growing, squeezing its way in, the other buildings moving over to make room without the muggles inside seeming to notice a thing. We walked right on up to the front door, all of us crowding onto the front stoop. "Someone knock, would you?" Arthur asked. He was in the back, helping Ginny with her trunk and couldn't reach. Fred reached up banging the silver knocker three times. We all jumped at the sudden shouting coming from inside and I wondered how the neighbors didn't hear it. Answering shouting could be heard next, an ugly dissonance between the two voices. Just then, the door was pulled open by a familiar and very weary looking face.

Several happy shouts of "Lupin!" were heard and he smiled his small smile.

"It's good to see you all as well, please come in." The shouting match came to an abrupt end, though the second grumbling voice could still be heard. "Pardon the noise," Lupin added mildly. "Walburga Black is not the pleasantest of women. It would be best to keep the volume level low when near her portrait.

"Who's—" Hermione's query was cut short when the owner of the house came into the entrance hall then.

"Don't mind my mother, she always was a bit of a hag."

"Sirius!" Only Ron and Hermione, and I were happy to see the ex-though-still-in-hiding-convict. The others, still used to seeing his face on wanted posters and newspaper articles, were still a bit nervous and drew back a bit. Even Fred and George shot him suspicious looks. They weren't very pleased with me that I had kept the fact that I knew Sirius Black a secret for almost two years. It had actually been a huge row between the three of us and had taken a full week to cool. Ron and Hermione both shook hands with him, but when he turned to me, I launched a full out hug at him. His barking laugh sounded in my ear when I said, "You smell much better than you did last time I saw you."

"Last time, I was living in a cave," he defended himself.

"I brought you soap. You just didn't use it," I accused. He held his hands up in mock surrender.

"I plead the fifth," he said and I laughed. It was an American muggle phrase I had taught him at some point. I stepped back, avoiding Fred, George, Ginny, and Molly's confused and unhappy faces at my familiarity. Arthur kept his face diplomatically blank as he stepped forward to shake hands with Sirius.

"Thank you for allowing our family to stay here, Sirius," he said grimly. Sirius accepted the handshake easily, but then stuffed his hands into his pockets. I wondered if it was because he could feel the tension coming off most everyone.

"You're perfectly welcome here," he answered. "Remus and I could use some company in this drafty old place." He looked sullenly at the walls and I got just a glimpse of how much he really hated this place and hated that the place he had run away from so long ago had become the only refuge he had. I tried to close my mind to it. I had become so practiced with Legitimacy over the last few years that I rarely needed to say the spell anymore; I only needed to look into someone's eyes, sometimes not even that when I knew them well enough. He forced a smile back onto his face. "I'll show you to your rooms." He turned and we followed him down the hall and up a staircase.

The whole house was cold and dusty as if it hadn't been cleaned even a little in the last decade and a half. I wondered why Sirius didn't clean it; surely this grungy of a place only made his mood worse. Molly seemed to come to herself for a bit. Looking around at the dusty lighting fixtures and cobwebby ceilings, she sniffed, "Well, we'll definitely have a cleaning project ahead of us." Our entire troop of kids groaned and moaned and 'oh please, why'ed. Molly just clucked while Sirius chuckled. She jumped just the tiniest bit when he addressed her.

"You are more than welcome to do whatever you wish to this place, Molly. I'm afraid I don't quite know where to start." She smiled a tentatively at him as he turned his head back towards her. "There's this room," he said pointing to a door on the first landing. Two beds, same as the others. You can assign whoever you want in here. It's the only good, in the loosest definition of the word, bedroom on this floor." Molly cracked open the door and looked in, then looked around at the rest of us.

"Hermione and Ginny," she motioned the two girls in. "Skylar, we may put a cot in here for you so you won't be on your own, but we'll take a look at the rest of it, first, alright?" I nodded and Hermione and Ginny dragged their trunks in. It was only slightly less dusty that the rest of the house. We continued up the house. On the next floor, they put Ron in a room that he would eventually share with Harry, whenever Harry came, and on the next floor Fred and George shared a room while I had one down the hall. Sirius raised his eyebrows at this sending me a little smirk which Molly caught.

"They'll sneak in and out of each other's rooms anyways, working on their toys," she did not approve of the joke shop plan and therefore, we had not told her about the mail order business we had started with the help of Harry's contribution. "At the very least we can keep them from waking the rest of the house in the middle of the night. Besides, you said Remus's room is at the end of the hall?" When Sirius reaffirmed this, she nodded in her usual decisive way. "They won't get into too much trouble with him right there." I smothered a smile as I dragged my trunk into my room as I thought about all the trouble Remus had gotten into when he was our age. I didn't bother to unpack my trunk, but followed the twins back to their room which was only slightly less dusty than mine.

"Think you two could come help me dust my room a bit?" I asked leaning against their door jamb.

"Sure," they said together, following me. We hadn't been in my room more than a minute, already the bed was cleaned enough for me to sit without it emitting a cloud of dust, when Ginny and Hermione came in, Ron trailing after them. The twins were using their wands to syphon dust and grime off the furniture for me. Ginny, never one to beat about the bush, came right out with it.

"So how do you know Sirius Black, the convicted murder, so well?"

"You know he didn't kill any of those people, Gin," I reminded her. "Ron's pet rat did."

"Even still," she insisted. Ron had filled them in on the real story of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew from that night so long ago, but I hadn't told my bit of it. "How do you know him so well?"

"I found him before anyone else," I told them simply. I still wasn't supposed to tell anyone that I skilled with both Legitimacy and Occlumency though I had told Fred and George on the promise that they not let it slip to a single soul and the threat that I would know if they did.

 _"How?"_ Ginny pressed and I sighed at her, getting ready to tell half-truths, and watching the twins out of the corner of my eye.

"You know that Sirius in an animagus, right?" I asked her. At her nod, I continued. "We found a stray dog on the grounds—"

"You found him," George corrected.

"We were in detention, remember?" Fred added. They were still decidedly sour about the secrets.

"Alright, _I_ found the stray, but we all started visiting it. We named it Snuffles. One day, I was visiting Snuffles and something about him felt…off." I couldn't explain to them the way my mind had pushed against a foreign conscience, neither animal nor human. The twins' shoulders had gone stiff and they were playing with the tassels on my quilt while they sat on my bed. "And I realized that Snuffles wasn't really Snuffles. When he realized I knew he wasn't a normal dog, he led me to the edge of the forest and then he changed into Sirius Black. He told me his story about him and Lupin and Wormtail and I believed him." I couldn't tell them that his mind had sung with the absolute truth of the story even though I had told the twins. "I used to take him food and things while he was hiding from the dementors. And then last year, during the Tournament, he came to keep an eye on Harry. He was living in the caves on the other side of Hogsmead, so I used to go visit him with food again, and while I was there we would talk sometimes. We became friends." Ginny looked absolutely shocked. Ron and Hermione had known I knew Sirius and that I took him food and whatnot, but they looked slightly surprised too at how friendly Sirius and I were.

"Just friends, though, right?" Ginny checked carefully and I had to look into her eyes to understand her double meaning. I suddenly wondered if this was why the twins were so upset with me being friends with Sirius and when I looked over at their alert faces, I knew it was. How had they hid that from me?

"Ew! Yes, _just_ friends! Merlin, Ginny, do you know how much older than me he is?" Ginny calmed and both of my boys seemed to expel the breaths they had been holding. A rap came at the door then and we all jumped when Molly's voice sounded through the door.

"I'm going to make some soup to warm us all up," she called. "Would you three come help me, please?" She must have only checked the twins' room so far because she looked surprised when we all trailed out the door.

"Of course, Molly," I said, closing the door behind me at the end of the line.

"What were you all doing in there?" she asked with mild suspicion.

"Just talking," Hermione said, the most innocent of all six of us. "What can we do to help, Molly?" The kitchen wasn't spotless, but it was the cleanest, and probably most used, part of the house, at least that, I had seen so far. The table was clean and most of the counters were clear, even though the dishes were a bit foggy. A croaky voice came from off to my left and I looked down to see the grumpiest house elf I had ever seen glaring up at our group.

"Bloodtraiters and mudbloods sullying my mistress's home. The wonderful House of Black—"

"Kreacher!" Sirius roared coming out of the pantry. "Do not insult my guests!" The elf bowed low, still mouthing the words to the floor. "Go to your room, Kreacher," Sirius ordered. With a CRACK, the unpleasant house elf disappeared. "Sorry about him," Sirius said to us, dropping a large bag on the table. "He's been like that for as long as I remember, but worse since my mother died." He scowled at the place the elf had stood and I looked away from his eyes. "Anyways, Molly. Here are some potatoes and onions. Afraid I couldn't find much else back there. I could always run to the market if you need," he added in an oddly hopeful voice.

"I thought you weren't supposed to leave the house?" Molly asked as if reminding him of the rules and he slumped into a chair at the table. Molly's tone reminded me of the one she used when scolding one of her children for breaking the rules for a 'good reason'; she sounded both sympathetic and unyielding.

"Or Remus could run to the market," he scowled. She patted his shoulder as she passed by and he looked surprised at the contact.

"We'll make do with what we have," she told him. "We'll just have to get a little creative. We'll go to the store tomorrow." She set us all to work, even Sirius, peeling potatoes or chopping them into small cubes or the dreaded task of slicing the onions into paper thin disks. She had dug around in the pantry finding enough spices and herbs to make an aromatic soup that drew Arthur and Remus down from wherever they had been. They were still deep in conversation though, Arthur quizzing Remus on muggle electronics. We all sat down to a late night meal by the candlelight, the soup warming us all.

I should have been able to sleep soundly, full of soup as I was, but this house gave me the creeps. It made strange creeks and groans, the walls were thin enough I could hear the portraits next door talking together and later snoring, and to top it all off, the house smelled weird. I gave up after a couple hours and grabbed a novel, taking it down with me. I ended up in the kitchen again, planning to hunt up some tea or hot chocolate or maybe just some left over soup. But apparently, I wasn't the only one with that idea, something I didn't realize until after I had already stepped into the kitchen, swinging the door wide open. I blushed to find both Sirius and Lupin looking at me. "Sorry, I—"

"Come to join our Party of Insomnia?" Sirius asked with raised eyebrow and only the hint of a smile.

"I came to find tea," I said. Remus put down his fire whisky and went to rummage through the pantry, coming out with a small box of tea.

"I'll put the kettle on," he offered, filling the pot and putting it on the stove. I murmured my thanks and sat down at the table, opening my book and figuring they would go back to their conversation. I was wrong. "So what brings you down at this late hour?" Remus asked me, watching me over the rim of his glass.

"Couldn't sleep. You?" I challenged, the way I did whenever unexpectedly questioned.

"Same," he smiled lightly at my defensive tone. "What about you Sirius?" I stuck my tongue out at Remus while his head was turned toward his best friend, a habit I had never really been able to drop.

"Someone is going to hex that off one day," Remus told me mildly, the same way Moony, his part of the personality imbued Marauders' Map had told me countless times.

"I know."

"What's keeping you up?" Remus asked me.

"The smell, I think," I muttered. "It doesn't smell like the Burrow or Hogwarts or even Washington. If anything, it smells like Ottery St. Catchpole's Home for Children. I didn't sleep well there either." I stared at my book without seeing the words on the page, not wanting to see these two grown men judging me. "What keeps you up, Sirius?" I asked as if none of this mattered.

"The memories," he groaned downing the rest of his glass and pouring himself some more. I eyed the bottle, considering taking it away. I would have if it had been the twins, but I left it in front of them. It was almost empty anyways. I wouldn't do much good and would probably just upset them.

"Sorry," I murmured. "What about you, Lupin?"

"The nearness of the full moon," he said as the kettle began to whistle. He stood going to prepare the tea and I watched him carefully. He did look very thin, grayer than he should have gotten in the just over one year since he left Hogwarts.

"How soon?" I asked quietly. Sirius looked surprised at my question, looking to his friend, and I wasn't sure why for a moment until Remus answered his unasked question.

"She knew the entire year I was at Hogwarts. She helped make the Wolfsbane," he told his friend before answering my question. "It's just past." I looked again. He wore muggle pajamas, worn sweats and thread bare t-shirt under his robe, which was tied loosely. As he set my mug down in front of me, I saw the fresh scratch on his neck, coming from beneath his collar, up almost to his ear.

"What happened?" I asked pointing at it. "The Wolfsbane should stop you from doing that to yourself!" He shook his head tiredly as if I had missed the obvious.

"I can't afford it," he explained quietly. I looked to Sirius who was looking very annoyed at his friend. Remus interpreted this glance easily, answering my question before I asked it to either of them. "I won't live on Sirius's charity. I already live in his house free of charge." I rolled my eyes at him toward Sirius, the look we shared effectively communicating that we both though Remus was being stupider that his intelligence warranted.

"I'll make it then," I said. He started to object, but I spoke over him. "I know how to do it and I can have the twins get me the ingredients I can't find easily." They had been buying black market ingredients and supplies of Mundungus Fletcher when Molly wasn't looking.

"I can't ask you to do that," Remus tried again.

"You're not," Sirius jumped to my aide. "She's offering." He looked at me then a hard look in his eye. "And she knows how to make it correctly?" he asked me, the threatening look in his eye telling me plainly that if my concoction harmed his friend in any way, I would be kibble to him.

"Perfectly," I promised. "By the end of that year at Hogwarts, Snape was so upset with him, he refused to be any more involved in the potion than he had to be. I ended up making it almost on my own, with him supervising me. Now, I'm sure I can do it without help."

"Good. It's decided," he nodded looking back to Lupin.

"Skylar," Lupin offered again, "I can't pay you."

"I'm not asking you to." He sighed in defeat and Sirius's ghost of a smile spoke of triumph.

"Very well," he nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said cheerfully, sipping my tea. "Sirius? Is there an empty room, maybe away from the others I could borrow for the potion? It goes through some rather nasty smelling phases," I explained. "Not that the finished product smells like daisies either." Remus chuckled at that and I remembered him lamenting back in my fourth year that sugar made the remedy absolutely useless.

"Sure," he said easily. "Use my father's. It's drafty, but it should work fine."

"Sounds good. And, um," I added with a new thought. "Would you be okay if the twins borrowed it from time to time as well? We're working on some projects Molly might not approve of if she found them. I'll keep them away from the Wolfsbane." Remus looked like he knew this wouldn't end well, but Sirius looked intrigued.

"What are you cooking up?"

"Promise you won't tell?" I asked, looking him straight in the eye. His inner Marauder was close to the surface though, looking forward to a little rule breaking and sneaking around.

"Promise," he said and I knew he was telling the truth.

"We had this idea for a line of sweets to get you out of class. You eat one end of the candy and you throw up until the teacher excuses you. Then you eat the other end and you're perfectly fine, with the rest of the class period to waste on your own. They want to work on some other maladies too, but we're having enough trouble keeping the puking one out of Molly's sight, but if we had a work space…." Sirius was laughing, really laughing, and even Remus had a full smile.

"Why didn't we ever think of that when we were at Hogwarts?" Sirius barked.

Over the next couple weeks, I spent most of my time in that smelly room, at least, when I could get away from Molly's cleaning spree. Telling her that I was helping Remus did help me get out of it more than the others. Every room had to be thoroughly cleaned and it was nasty work. "Hey, Sirius," I said swinging down the stairs on day. "Do you have any silver heirlooms you wouldn't mind parting with? They were working on cleaning out the kitchen, Molly's top priority and without looking at me, Sirius threw a silver candlestick my way followed quickly by a silver goblet then a silver spoon. He would have kept throwing things, but I said, "Okay, okay, that's more than I need. I just need flakes." He shrugged not answering. He hated every object in his house that had belonged to his family; considering this house had been in his family for generations, that was quite a lot of heirlooms and he didn't mind throwing a single one away. Kreacher could often be seen sneaking in to dig through our trash bags when we left a room, stealing things back and hiding them in his little den.

The house very, very slowly became more habitable. When we were finished with the kitchen and were starting with the dining room, even though we usually just used the table in the kitchen, Dumbledore came for a visit before an Order meeting. We had finally had explained to us what the Order of the Phoenix was, the revival of an organization that Dumbledore had created last time Voldemort was in power. They fought and strategized against the Death Eaters, Voldemort's followers. The only thing was though, that this time, the Order was smaller than it had been before. Some had died, some had been killed, some weren't able to fight anymore, some refused, but all the adults tried to reassure us that the Order was strong and would prevail. Order meetings were held a couple times a week, but we kids were always kicked out of the kitchen when and where these meetings were held. Fred and George tried to use the Extendable Ears once or twice, but got caught when Arthur left a meeting early to use the toilet. They got enough of a racket that they didn't make another attempt for a while. The night that Dumbledore came, he came early for the meeting. First, he asked to speak to Ron and Hermione, but then, surprisingly, he asked to speak to me and they directed him to Mr. Black's room where I was working on the Wolfsbane.

"Hello, my dear, miss Skyler," he said tapping on the slightly open door. I looked up rather shocked to see him. I looked nervously at the potion wondering if I would get in trouble for making a potion over the summer. I reasoned that potions were really just recipes, no more magic than cake, or so I had convinced myself. Just last week though, we had received a notice that Harry had performed magic outside of school, a very showy Patronus Charm no less, and was now technically expelled from Hogwarts pending a Ministry trial. Everyone had wanted to immediately rush off to get Harry from his aunt and uncle's, but Dumbledore had insisted that for now, the best course of action was to leave him where he was.

"Hello, Professor," I said stepping in front of the cauldron, hiding the book behind my back. "What can I do for you?" He chuckled a little, his eyes twinkling as they often did when he was amused, and I knew I wasn't being very subtle.

"You will not be expelled for producing Wolfsbane for Professor Lupin, Miss French," he assured me formally and I relaxed some, but not entirely. Dumbledore didn't seek out people, especially sixteen year old girls, for nice simple chats, especially with a war brewing. "I've come to ask you a few things." I nodded, gulping and mentally scanning my long list of broken rules, wondering which had caught his attention. "Who have you told about your Occlumency and Legitimacy lessons?" he asked, his hands folded in front of him. His eyes were centered solely on me. Though he had never outright said, "don't tell anyone," it had been heavily implied that my lessons should remain a secret.

"Only Fred and George," I said. "Unless you told them, not even Molly and Arthur know." He nodded, deep in thought about that, then nodded.

"Thank you for keeping that quiet all these years. I'm sure it was not easy." It hadn't been, not because I planned on telling people about it, but it can be quite hard to respond to words rather than thoughts or to remember that there were some things you weren't supposed to know because no one had actually told you about it, just thought about it. "However, I do not think that that secrecy need remain. While it would be best not to publicize it, especially around classmates, your friends and family may know. I must ask another favor of you: I would like you to share this talent with the Order at tonight's meeting."

"Sir?" This was a definite change in protocol. "Why?"

"The Order should be able to utilize all tools available to it, and your talent should not be ignored." He said it in the way he said everything; like there was some grand plan no one could except for him. Raised religious, I didn't like when people played at being 'God'. It seemed wrong, but I nodded, trying to be the good kid. Of course though, my mind wasn't so willing to behave and began pushing at the old man's mind. It was well guarded though and he knew to expect my probing. He raised an eyebrow at me and my face heated.

"Sorry, sir," I muttered. He nodded pleasantly before continuing.

"Of course, you'll be continuing with your studies this year with Professor Snape." Snape was one of the Order, though one considered by the others with suspicion. I could add what I knew to the conversations, but usually whoever was discussing his allegiance would end up at a Dumbledore-trusts-him-I-should-too mentality, and though I didn't entirely agree with their reasoning, I knew that Snape could be trusted. I nodded actually looking forward to my studies and practices with Snape. Occlumency and Legitimacy had become a part of me over the last three years, a muscle I loved working out, stretching and strengthening.

"Of course, sir," I agreed easily.

"If tonight during the meeting, you will wait in the sitting room, we will have you brought in at your time." I nodded slightly disappointed. I would be the first of the kids to hear any of the proceedings, but I also knew that they wouldn't discuss anything important or interesting in front of md while I was in there. He wished me a good evening and said he would see me quite soon. As soon he had disappeared, the twins barged in demanding to know what Dumbledore had wanted.

"He wants me to tell everyone that I can perform Occlumency and Legitimacy at the Order meeting tonight," I said staring dumbly at the cauldron. The potion was almost done, just needed to stew the last ingredient for another thirty minutes, but I wasn't thinking about it. The secret was almost as much a part of me as the Occlumency and Legitimacy and telling the secret would feel…weird.

"Wait, I thought he wanted it to be a secret?" Fred sounded as confused as I was.

"And now he doesn't?" George clarified.

"Apparently not," I shrugged at them.

"And he wants you at the meeting?" Fred sounded excited at this prospect, but I only shrugged again.

"Only for a bit of it. They won't say anything important while I'm there, I'm sure."

"Well, listen carefully, young one," Fred intoned sounding like the Jedies on the Star Wars show my dad used to watch.

"And use all your best witchy powers," George added helpfully. I shoved them both playfully. They stayed with me up there until the potion was completed. I put out the fire beneath the cauldron, before ladling some of the Wolfsbane into a vial; the full moon was in another week. We hopped down the stairs, tip-toeing when we reached the landing above Mrs. Black's portrait. Mrs. Weasley walked into the sitting room from the kitchen just as we walked in from hallway.

"Oh, dear," she said motioning to me. "They're ready for you now."

"Take notes," George ordered in my ear. "We want to hear what happens!" I nodded at him with a smile before following Molly into the kitchen. The adults were all arguing tensely about something, but stopped when Molly ushered me in.

"Ah, Miss French," Dumbledore greeted from the head of the table. "Welcome. Please, sit." I took a seat between Sirius and his cousin Tonks, a Metamorphmagus who could change her appearance at will.

She winked at me and whispered to me, "Wotcher, French. Welcome to the big kids' table." I smirked up at her. She really wasn't that much older than me, maybe seven or eight years. She was also a fun and quirky kind of person, painfully clumsy, but good at heart. She was an auror, a protégé of Mad Eye's though I was never sure how that had happened. I felt safe between Tonks and Sirius until I looked around and saw everyone else eyeing me. My hands clenched into fists and I realized the vial of Wolfsbane was still in my hand. I passed it to Sirius, looking pointedly to Lupin who sat at his other side. They both looked at me in confusion until they realized what it was. Lupin tipped his head in thanks as he unstopped the top and drowned it with a grimace. Sirius looked concerned until Remus nodded at him, that it was supposed to be like that—the potion really did have the bitterest of tastes. I had to observe all this from my peripheral though, which admittedly was expanded by using Legitimacy on those around me, because Mundungus Fletcher, Mad Eye and Kingsley Shacklebolt were none too happy to have me here.

Severus Snape sat on the corner of the foot of the table, his chair slightly pulled back, but he nodded at me in greeting while Mundungus griped out, "Oi, why is _she_ here? I though only adults were allowed at these meetin's!" Before I had a chance to say anything, though I wasn't sure what I would have said given the opportunity, Sirius had spoken up for me.

He snorted putting derision into his tone as easily as honey into tea, saying, "Dung, this little girl's got more sense in her head that you do in your whole body. Thank Merlin she is here." I looked at him with a raised eyebrows, and he just shrugged, but I read the pure gratitude there when his eyes flicked back to Moony after a moment or two.

"Albus," Kingsley Shacklebolt objected, his voice rich and deep. "This is no place for a child."

"I agree," Molly said, and I rolled my eyes. I might not be an adult, but I wasn't a helpless toddler either.

Tonks chuckled next to me. "I don't know, I quite like not being the youngest at the table. I think we should keep her." Dumbledore waited patiently for all their protests and defenses to calm down before speaking.

"Miss French is here because I asked her to be," he said in his commanding tone that brooked no argument. "Skylar here has talents I think you should all be aware of." They looked at me appraisingly, most of them wondering what power I could possibly possess that would be helpful to anyone in that room. After all, some of the most skilled witches and wizards in the world sat at this table. Some of those who knew me looked at me with confusion, wondering what I had worthwhile. Molly still looked like she would be perfectly happy to send me out with the rest of the kids any second. "Skylar has been studying Legitimacy and Occlumency with Severus for the last three years. She has quite excelled in the subject in fact, surpassing anyone's expectations, including my own."

"Three years?" Molly asked confused. "But we never—Arthur and I were never told…."

"I asked Skylar to keep the lessons under wraps, so to speak, something she has done exceptionally well." He smiled at me as if very pleased with my progress. "However, I now think it is time for this information to be known, at least in our friendly circle." The looks I was getting right now weren't precisely friendly. Molly and Arthur were looking at me in confusion as were Sirius and Lupin, but the rest, aside from Snape who just looked bored, looked distrustful. I wondered if one of the reasons Dumbledore had explained these skills to them was so that they would be careful with their thoughts about whatever-they-did-in-here. There was a stirring and grumbling murmuring as most everyone shifted. I tried to block out their thoughts, but that was harder when their thoughts were so focused on me. I had programed myself to pick up on thoughts about me as a defense mechanism when I first started learning, though it wasn't necessary anymore.

"Prove it," Dung demanded. I looked first to Dumbledore who nodded to Snape who appeared to not be paying attention. I knew he was though, especially when his thoughts slipped into my mind, a talent we had discovered the year before, where, basically, we could speak to each other in our minds without anyone hearing. He suspected it was because we had spent so much time working on Legitimacy and Occlumency with only one other person consistently, but he didn't bother to work it out further than that. _What are you waiting for?_ He asked. _Show the filth what I taught you._ Though the description wasn't inaccurate, I silently sent him my annoyance at his use of it. He ignored my annoyance, silently pressing me to proceed. I felt like a dancing monkey or one of those gypsies at the carnival as I opened my mouth for the first time since I entered the kitchen.

"Proof, Dung?" I asked in my most arrogant, Slytherin-like voice, putting on the show they expected. I could practically _feel_ Snape rolling his eyes on the opposite end of the table. "Well, Dung, you've got drugs in your pockets. Best not mix those up; pixie dust doesn't mix well with muggle marijuana. Ooh, also your dealer for the muggle stuff is cheating you for the muggle stuff. You're paying twice what a muggle would."

"It's all medicinal!" Dung swore, eyes bugging out. Perhaps I should have chosen a more innocent reveal, but he was a slime ball who gave me the creeps.

"No, it's not, you liar," I cut him off. Then, because he had been a particular ass tonight, I laid on the worst bit that would get him in the most in trouble. "Also, drop that plan of sharing with the twins right now. They're smarter than that and they know I'll kill them if they even think about it." Molly was suddenly shouting at Dung, loudly as only a mother bear could.

"You were planning to give my boys, _what?_ " she shrieked. She stood and started to storm towards the suddenly nervous little man, before Arthur put a hand on her elbow.

"Molly," he tried to sooth her. "Like Skylar said, our boys are too smart to take that stuff." I decided not to mention the fact that Sirius was interested in the twins' place, I merely elbowed him and shook my head. He looked surprised, but then laughed. Molly sniffed angrily, finally calmed enough to retake her seat next to her husband, though she continued to glare daggers at Dung. Severus mentally nodded his approval at my display, his amusement evident only to me.

"Mundungus, I suggest you refrain from bringing contraband into this house again. You will not find customers," Dumbledore said mildly and it was obvious he considered the matter closed. Sirius coughed lightly from beside me and I kicked him under the table. "Now that Skylar had displayed her talents, I suppose there will be several questions." Of course there were and everyone thought theirs should be answered first, resulting in a barrage of talking, all aimed at me. I flinched back in my seat, eyeing them all distastefully. "One at a time, perhaps," Dumbledore suggested and the people remembered they were adults, not school children, calming down considerably, those with questions raising a hand or a finger, waiting their turn to be called on. Dumbledore motioned for me to begin, not acting like there was any need to hurry.

"Molly?" I asked. I felt bad for having not told her.

"How long?" she asked briskly, down to business.

"Three years." Her mouth hung open.

"You were only thirteen!" I nodded, before pointing to Arthur.

"Why was all this kept a secret?" he asked. I actually didn't know the answer to this question other than that Dumbledore had asked me to. He spoke up answering for me, which was good since it was his plan.

"I thought it would be best to keep Skylar's extracurricular studies out of popular knowledge. I did not want other students interfering with the studies, nor did I want people to exploit her for it." My eyes flashed up to his and I automatically pushed at his mind wondering who he had expected to 'exploit' me. I only got a taste of a vague idea of people seeming very similar to Dung as well as a darker group.

I continued answering questions, going around the table. A curly haired wizard I recognized on sight, but not by name asked, "Why did you, and only you learn? Why is this not a subject for other students as well?" Severus started answering that one before I could, his voice full of impatience and dripping with annoyance.

"Because none of the other students," the word in his head better matched _imbecile_ , "show even the slightest aptitude for the magic, nor the ambition and dedication to work consistently." I felt almost flattered.

"How did you know _she_ had these traits then," the curly haired wizard responded. I decided to answer this one.

"I started studying the Legitimacy spell during my first year of magical education. I couldn't perform the spell correctly almost at all, even when I came to Hogwarts, but within a couple weeks, I got in a good bit of trouble for sneaking around people's heads." I didn't bother to say that it had been Snape's head I had gotten in trouble for sneaking into. "Eventually, Professor Snape decided to teach me to use the spell rather than have it work in random spurts."

"You got Legitimacy to work as a _first year?_ " Variations of this question shot out from about half the seats at the table.

"Second year," I said, "technically." It had actually been my first Friday of Hogwarts, my second year of magical education.

"You're bloody jokin'!" Dung exclaimed.

"Am I, Dung?" I gave him a look that very clearly said I could and would share more of his dirty laundry if he continued to piss me off. Sirius and Remus both snickered from next to me as they watched the short exchange and the easy defeat. Turning back to the others, I finished off the question with, "I didn't start to formally learn Legitimacy until third year and then Professor Snape made sure I learned Occlumency too." Occlumency was considerably harder though, requiring much more discipline.

The questions continued, most of them easily answered. Dung, trying to make me stop, had asked that since this was magic, why hadn't I been sent to the Ministry for trial "like Potter" since I had quite obviously just used Legitimacy on him off school grounds. "I'm so used to now that I hardly need the spell," I said. "Like magic, brain waves and thoughts are a flow of energy and I tap those. The magic amplifies the energy to make it easier to understand, but I'm in tune enough lately that I don't always need the spell. Besides, Dung," I added to piss him off. "Your brain's energy is extremely uncomplicated. I doubt even a muggle could miss anything that goes on in that head of yours." Several people around the table snorted into their drinks while Dung thought for a minute to figure out that I had just called him an idiot.

Tonks though asked, "How often do you use Legitimacy and Occlumency then?" I looked to Snape and Dumbledore again, wondering how truthful to be on this question, but they both just nodded at me to proceed.

"I use Occlumency constantly. I've picked up a lot of information over the years. Can't have it fall into the wrong hands, can I?" Some looked comforted that it would be difficult to get into my head, but some looked worried about what information I might have picked up. "As to the Legitimacy, it's not as constant, but it is usual." Snape mentally told me that I could go into greater depth for these _"fools"_ , his word not mine, so I did. "I almost always have some level of Legitimacy on, so I know who is around me, if their trustworthy, et cetera," I began. "When I need more information than that, I have to target the individual, though not as much as I used to."

"What do you mean 'more than you used to'?" Remus asked, skipping Sirius's raised hand entirely.

"Well," I said trying to explain it right. "It used to be a conscious action to pull information, but lately, it comes to me without me really trying. It's like…it's like trying to find your candlestick and matches in the dark." I said, hoping this made sense. "At first, since that's what you're looking for, that's all your eyes really let you see, but the longer you sit in the dark, the more you see and then you can see where everything in the room is without the candle at all. I try very hard to stay out of your business though if it doesn't concern me," I added. They looked at me silently and at first I wondered if I had confused them until I realized that they were just surprised. "So, Sirius?" I asked trying to move the silence along.

"Ah, yes," he spoke again. "In what…situations do you use this gift?" I could see in his head and I rolled my eyes at the immature boy in there asking this question.

"Appropriate ones," I told him with a smirk then moved on. A few more people and finally the Q and A was at its end.

"Skylar's skillset," Dumbledore said, "Is almost unique, certainly in a student of her age. While not an official Order member, her skills, which match our Severus Snape's are a useful tool for both information gathering and hiding, a fact I invite you all to remember." There was talking around the table as members discussed with their neighbors the possible ways to use me to the Order's advantage and I shivered at some of their suggestions. "Skylar, you may be excused now. We'll call for you all when dinner is served."

"They didn't talk about anything Order-y," I told the twins, Ginny, Hermione and Ron for the third time. "They just asked me a bunch of questions about my skills." I had had to explain to the last three that I even had the skills. Ginny was shocked, not quite believing me, while Hermione was impressed and Ron was suspicious of what I might have dug out his head. I had stayed out of there though, having learned quickly that I did _not_ want to hang out inside the heads of teenage boys when Snape first started training me.

"Why introduce all that to the Order though?" George asked laying on the second bed in my room.

"I don't know exactly, but I feel like I'm going to be used as a pawn in a chess game. Dumbledore told them to remember that my information gathering and hiding could be of use to the Order and then told me to leave."

"Aw, you won't be a pawn," Fred promised with a smile, "You'll be the queen!" I threw a pillow at him.

"Not a chance!" I protested. "I'm not elegant enough. Queens aren't supposed to get their hands dirty." And I certainly did that with all the pranks and revenge I got up to with the boys.

"A bishop then," George said. "You're religious." My family here were the only nine people besides Severus and maybe Harry and Hermione with how often they were at the Burrow, that knew I was still religious.

"Naw," I shrugged. "I might be religious, but I'm not righteous enough to be a good example like a bishop should."  
"A knight?" Ron suggested digging through my usual stash of chocolate. I would have thrown a pillow at him, but I knew he wouldn't find anything good in there; I had finished my chocolate the week before.

"You Gryffindors are the only ones noble enough to be knights," I told him. "I guess I'm more of a rook. On the edges and often forgotten, but deadly when I need to be." At least I hoped so. Maybe I really was just a pawn. I laid there with my family around me until dinner, contemplating what was in store for my life.


	2. Restless Nights

I was restless again. Flipping over for the fifteenth time made the bed frame _squ-ERCH_ yet again, but did nothing for my comfort. I gave it up as a lost cause and got up, snatching my pillow, book and knitted blanket, dragging them with me as I plodded down the stairs. I stopped on one landing when I heard painful mumbling coming from behind one of the doors. It was Sirius's and I silently opened the door to see him thrashing in his blankets. Knowing he would not be pleased to find someone having enter his room without his permission, even (especially) if it was because they wanted to save him from his nightmares, I closed the door hard and waited for a moment. All sound in the room had ceased and I was sure my objective had been accomplished; he had been woken up and likely didn't realize that it was the slamming door that had done so.

I continued down the stairs ending up in the living room where a fire still burned in the hearth. I threw away the idea of going to the kitchen for tea and simply threw myself onto the couch in front of the fire. I gave up on reading almost instantly and dropped the book onto the floor, next to the blanket I hadn't bothered to wrap myself in yet. I stared into the fire, wishing I could simply turn my mind off. There were too many thoughts running around there and I didn't like it. My own life was relatively fine, sure there was a war brewing, but I wasn't doing anything dangerous, yet. However, thanks to Dumbledore's revealing my talents of Legitimacy and Occlumency to the Order, I was dealing with more secrets than I was used to and I felt like very soon, I would burst.

The members of the Order were using my mind as a sort of safe; if there was a memory they really wanted kept hidden, they would make me watch it in their minds, then promptly wipe their memories so that the only copy reside in my mind. So now, I had about thirty random scraps of information bumping around my skull and I didn't know how to combine them into something coherent or lock them away to keep them from distracting me.

Because Kingsly didn't want anyone to know that Wilifred Hillsings, a mid-level Ministry worker was about to become an Unspeakable and that, combined with the filing she had done in her last job in the records department, she would be the outsider with the most chance of figuring out what the Order was working on. Not even himself.

Because Bill didn't want anyone to know the full extent of all the curses and enchantments guarding the _thing_ they were guarding that he wouldn't let me see nor that he had started seeing Fleur Delacour, one of the competitors of the Triwizard Tournament and that she might have seen some of the plans when she stayed over at his place the previous week. Not even himself

Because Minerva didn't want anyone to know that she had organized the guard shifts nor what exactly the details of the shifts were; who, where, what. Not even herself.

Because Remus didn't want anyone to know that Dumbledore was considering sending him to live with a werewolf pack run by Fenrir Greyback nor their current and constantly changing locations. Not even himself.

Because Arthur didn't want anyone to know that certain friends in the ministry were asking about the best places to take their families into hiding should the rumors prove true. Not even himself.

Because Sirius didn't want anyone to know how many times his father had slapped him in this house nor how much it had hurt when his mother called him a bloodtraitor not how much he had cried when he heard Death Eaters had killed his brother. Not even himself.

Because Tonks didn't want anyone to know how bloody that house full of murdered muggles had been nor how much she had thrown up after seeing it. Not even herself.

Because Dung didn't want anyone to know that had let another wizard he didn't even know take a permanently paralyzing curse for him. Not even himself.

Because Martha didn't want anyone to know how loud that child's screams had been. Not even herself.

Because Michael didn't want anyone to know that he considered leaving Not even himself.

Because Thomas didn't want anyone to know the sight of blood made him vomit. Not even himself.

Because I didn't want do know. But I did.

At least when Severus shared memories, he _shared_ them. I wasn't the only one carrying those burdens and that made them easier to bare. Because he had gone to the Dark Lord after his return on Dumbledore's orders and had pledged his allegiance once again on Dumbledore's orders and the air around them had stunk like rot and Wormtail had been in the corner holding his platinum hand and looking at it in awe and Snape had bowed himself to the ground only to be faced with the tip of a wand at his nose when he rose and the Dark Lord's whispered order to prove himself well or else and he had promised he would while his arm still stung with the pain of when his mark had burned.

Something sprang at me and I jumped up, wand at the ready only to see Sirius in his animagus form, frozen at the sight of my wand pointed at his face. "Sorry," I said, lowering my wand before tucking it back into my sleeve. The black dog shrugged oddly, my blanket still in his mouth. He crawled forward, placing himself between me and the back of the couch, laying the blanket over both of us, his head pillowed on my ribs. I chuckled and reached back to scratch his head. He yipped softly and licked my hand. "Ew," I teased, wiping the slobber onto his fur. He just barked softly in his dog laugh that sounded nearly identical to his human laugh. We laid there in silence for several minutes when the door to the kitchen opened. I hadn't realized that anyone was in there.

"Skylar?" Remus asked when I lifted my head enough to look over the back of the couch. The dog next to me was on the edge of sleep so I put a finger over my lips signaling that Remus should be quiet. He looked confused until he came around the couch and saw Padfoot's head above the blankets. "Ah," he smiled. "Careful, he nibbles in his sleep."

"Know this from experience, do you, Remus?" I asked him with a suggestive tilt to my head. He looked surprised and I searched for the reason, half against my will, finding it a split second before he voiced it.

"You're much more familiar with me than your friends are," he commented, taking a seat in the armchair by the foot of the couch. "Most of them still call me 'Professor'."

"What do you expect?" I asked quietly. "I've seen inside your head. I know how it works." His forehead knit in worry and he wondered how often I had been in there.

"Calm down, I've only looked deeply in there when I have permission." He noticed the qualification in that sentence, but decided not to comment. "Besides," I added. "Do you know how many stories I've had Sirius tell me about when you lot were young and reckless?" Even the reserved professor had been reckless and wild at one point, and not just on the nights of the full moon.

"Ah, you might not want to listen to those stories too much," he said, embarrassed about some of his stupider acts. "He makes quite a bit of it up."

"On the contrary, actually," I corrected. "He hides some of the juicier details to try and keep me innocent. I watch the memories though and they don't lie." I smiled as Remus blushed, then began to look angry on his sleeping friend's behalf.

"You look into his mind without his permission?" he growled and I saw the Gryffindor loyalty to his friends there.

"Yes, I do," I confessed without regret. "But I restrict myself to the stories he's telling. Remus," I looked straight into his face, begging for him to understand. "I need some lighthearted memories to balance out the acidic ones I've taken to storing." He looked guilty, once again blaming himself for something he shouldn't.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"No, Remus," I said. "Don't you even try. First of all, it wasn't your idea to use me as the Order's information safe. Secondly, you're not the only one. Thirdly, I've been taking painful memories since I started learning, long before anyone in the Order used me." He nodded, not looking convinced. I'd have Sirius talk to him at some point. "You should get some rest," I said to Remus. "Go to bed." He nodded heavily, standing and, with a whispered goodnight, left to go up to his bed. I knew it would be a while until he fell asleep, despite all the firewhiskey he had consumed in the kitchen. I thought it would take me a long time to sleep too, but the steady breathing of Padfoot lulled me to sleep within minutes.

"Get the hell off her, you wanker," George was yelling, waking me with a start. Fred was at his side, both their wands leveled at Padfoot's nose, much the way mine had been the night before.

"Oi!" I growled. "Shut up before mum comes down here!"

"But he—" Fred cut himself off angrily, motioning to Padfoot with disgust and fury. I had to look back to the dog to understand what exactly the twins were so upset about. When I had fallen asleep, I had been on my side and Padfoot had been behind my back. During the night, I had rolled onto my back and Padfoot had moved onto my stomach. Though he was currently growling at the twins for waking him up, when he had been asleep, his head had been pillowed on my chest. Looking back to the twins, I knew this was what had set them off.

"Oh come off it," I hissed. "He's a bloody dog, what are we gonna do?"

"He wasn't always a dog," George said acerbically.

"He was since he got here," I argued. "What do you think of _me_ , huh?" They both blushed looking down.

"Look, Skylar, we know _you_ wouldn't, but _he_ could have forced—"

"Like hell I could." Padfoot had hopped onto the ground before transforming into his human form. The twins jumped at the transformation, still not used to it and Sirius took a seat on the end of the couch, rubbing his face tiredly. "Did you know this girl sleeps with her wand up her sleeve? Damn near Avada-ed me when I hopped onto the couch without announcing myself."

"Why exactly were you 'hopping onto the couch' with her?" George growled at the man, his wand still in his hand.

"Had some nightmares last night and when I woke up, I changed into a dog. Dogs don't process emotions the same way as humans so they're easier to deal with. Then I found Skylar down here enjoying the fire…how could I resist 'hopping on the couch' with her." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes at him. Had we had the same relationship as I did with Severus, he would have clearly heard, _Not helping, fleabag_ , but as it was, he had to infer the message.

"He fell asleep within a few minutes," I told the twins who had nearly attacked the man at that wink. "Remus was here, you could ask him."

"But…." Fred and George both pointed at my chest again and I realized that somewhere between twisting around and having a dog sleep on top of me, my tank top had gotten pulled down and some of my bra was exposed.

"Oh, calm down," I said, blushing slightly as I pulled my top back into place. "I don't care if you've grown up with an overabundance of males; I've fallen asleep in your room enough that you must know that happens sometimes, haven't I?" I ignored Sirius shooting suggestive looks in the twin's direction.

"That's never happened in our room," George assured me and I shrugged.

"Well, that happens from time to time," I informed them. "Now calm down and give Sirius a chance, will you?" Harry came down into the living room then, hair made messier than usual with a sad case of bedhed.

"Hey," he said quietly and I looked at him, wondering what he had heard. He hadn't realized that he had heard anything, he was still thinking about a nightmare he had had. He had been having a lot of those.

"Morning," Sirius greeted, full of concern. "Are you alright?" Harry nodded, not meeting his godfather's eyes. He was stressed and scared and he didn't want to show it. He couldn't hide it though. He looked over at me suspiciously wondering if I had been going through all his thoughts. Of course we had had to tell him about my Legitimacy and Occlumency when he got here—he was already upset about the possibility of us all hiding things from him—and now he trusted me even less than everyone else, except maybe Severus. I held up my hands in surrender, neither hiding the fact that I had checked the surface of his psyche, nor denying it.

Molly came down at that moment, surprised to find us all down here already. "Skylar," she asked, noticing the blanket and pillow, "did you sleep down here?"

"Sort of. I got restless up in bed and fell asleep down here while I was reading." I shot the twins a very threatening look when Molly wasn't looking, silently telling them not to expose my half lie. I already knew Sirius wouldn't; he valued his life too much.

"Well, then," she said. "Go put your things away then come back down. The rest of you lot, come help me with breakfast." I ignored the look the twins were giving me and did as told, returning minutes later to help scramble eggs.


	3. Haunting Dreams

A/N: Thought of this one too. Kept coming in random flashes so I thought I would write it down. It's from an outside perspective this time, but it didn't feel like Skylar could tell this one; she was too out of it for most of the scene.

* * *

Sirius couldn't sleep again; too many nightmares, too many memories. He wanted a drink. He stopped by Remus's room first, but his friend was already asleep. The full moon was just past and though the Wolfsbane Skylar made helped, the monthly changing still wore Remus out every single time. Sirius closed the door softly, refusing to interrupt his friend's snoring. There was only one other person in the house that he knew had a high probability of still being awake. Rather than knock on the door and potentially wake the sleeping boys down the hall, he pushed the door open; if she was asleep, he would leave and leave her none the wiser.

That was the plan at least, to leave. She was asleep, but when he saw the expression of terror on her face and the jerking thrashing of her body, he sprang forward. If there was one thing he understood, it was nightmares. Besides, he owed her. Despite the fact that she hadn't told him and he certainly didn't know legitimacy, he knew she had woken him from his nightmares at least twice in the past. He ran up and shook her shoulders, but she pushed at his hands, still asleep. He heard someone push the creaky door open behind him and looked back to see Remus standing there, looking in with confusion. "Don't just stand there, help me, Remus," he growled. "She's dreaming and she won't wake up!" As he began to turn back toward her though, she went still, his words having finally woken her up.

"Skylar?" Remus asked as he stepped forward. "Are you alright?" Her wide open, still panicked eyes, flicked from Sirius to the Remus and after another beat, her stillness broke. She jerked away from Sirius, throwing herself across the squeaky twin bed and throwing out an arm. Sirius thought at first that she running away, startled by seeing someone so close upon waking. So he was alarmed when she turned right back. She had snatched her wand up off the nightstand and held it an inch from his face, but she didn't hold it the way one generally held a wand, loose and forming a continuance of the line of the bone structure of her arm. She held her wand like a knife, tight and perpendicular to her wrist. There was a maniacal look in her eye and Sirius knew she did not recognize him, her mind was still in the dream. He leaned away from the wand and held his hands up in surrender.

"Skylar, it's just me, Sirius. You had a nightmare. Let's put the wand down now, shall we?" He saw Remus raise his wand to disarm the girl, but he shook his head minutely. He did not want to frighten her further. Very, very slowly, Sirius watched her eyes become once again intelligent. The thing that worried him though was that her eyes did not return their usual good humor. They were stone cold. She lowered her wand, but didn't put it back on the nightstand. Instead, she pulled her legs up towards her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees, the wand still hanging loosely from her fingers.

"Skylar," Remus said again, gingerly sitting himself on the foot of her bed. "Do you want to talk abou—"

"No," she said harshly, her voice husky from sleep. She wouldn't look at either of the men in the room. "No."

"Would you like us to stay with you?" he tried again.

"I want the twins. Get the twins." Sirius stood, happy to be away from this strangely dark girl, so very different from the one he knew. She had been the one to feed him and console him when he hid in the woods and caves around Hogwarts during the last two years. This girl looked like she would carry out that stabbing with the slightest provocation.

"I'll get them," he assured her. Remus stood to follow him, but he shook his head. "Stay with her," he suggested. "I don't think she should be left alone." Remus looked back toward the girl. She sat like a statue, staring off into space. It didn't even look like she was breathing. The blankets were a chaos around her; she had kicked and thrashed enough that half the blankets and sheets hung off the old mattress, even the fitted sheets were scrunched up around her. Remus nodded at the wisdom in his friend's words, seating himself in an uncomfortable wooden chair against the wall.

Sirius made his way gingerly down the hall, not wanting to wake Molly or Arthur. He knew that if they woke up and knew something was wrong, they would both check on the problem in a second and Skylar very obviously did not want anyone besides those necessary to know. Again, not bothering to knock, he pushed the door open, stepping into the twins' room. They were sleeping soundly until he shook them awake, first one then the other. "What's up, Sirius," one groggy twin asked. Sirius held a finger over his lips, communicating the need for quiet.

"Skylar had a nightmare and—"

"Shit!" Both twins were suddenly awake and they ran out of the room without waiting for the rest of Sirius's explanation. He followed after them quickly, stepping through her bedroom door in time to watch both twins settle next to her on the bed. "Skylar?" one asked, wrapping his arm around her back. The other was eyeing her wand wearily and it was obvious he knew that even in her state, she could use it well. Sirius wondered how many times they had seen her like this.

"Can I see you wand, Skylar?" that twin—Sirius thought it was George—asked cautiously. She was still staring into space, apparently not having notice that her two best friends had walked in, but at his words, she dropped her wand, not seeming to care when it rolled off her foot and into the blankets. George picked the wand up quickly, tossing the wand to Sirius without looking up from his friend. Sirius caught it, slipping into his pocket before closing the door and leaning against it; they didn't need anyone else wandering by and finding the scene. George took the girl's hand, whispering soothing words along with his brother, trying to relax her. Sirius watched all this with worry; this was not the Skylar he knew. The Skylar he knew would have put her head on one of their shoulders, would have wrapped her arms around their waists, would have smiled at them, would have done something! All this girl had done was drop her wand.

"Have any of your ever seen the Dark Lord?" she asked suddenly, cutting off her friends' soft words. They went silent listening to her. No one in the room answered, but she didn't seem to be waiting for a response. "He looks different from before." Everyone had been silent, but at this announcement, everyone went as absolutely still as she had been. No, none of the men in this room had ever actually seen Voldemort and none of them had ever considered the possibility that she had.

"What was that?" Sirius asked hoarsely.

"He looks different than before. Less human. More alien." She tightened her arms around her knees, pulling herself in closer than before.

"How could you know that?" Remus asked. Sirius looked to his old friend who had once again seemed to age ten years in the last few minutes.

"I'm psychic," she said wanly. Usually after saying something like that, she would have smirked and waggled her fingers at them. She looked as comatose as before. "I have to practice on someone and Severus has seen him so many times." _Severus?_ They all knew Snape had been the one to teach her Legitimacy and Occlumency, but what had he shown her? She was only a sixteen year old girl!

"You mean Snape has seen Voldemort since his rebirth?" Sirius demanded. They had him now, he always _knew_ Snivilles had returned to his old master and now they had the proof. He would tell—

"Dumbledore." Sirius looked to Skylar who had once again spoken in that cold, empty way. He thought that perhaps she had poked into his mind and taken the next word out of his thoughts, but Remus spoke again, trying to untangle the girl's cryptic words.

"Dumbledore has seen Voldemort?" She flinched at the name, something that had been a new habit. She used to be one of the few who wasn't afraid of the name because she had not been raised to fear it. But now, she flinched as sharply as any wizard-raised child he had ever seen. The twins tightened their arms around her in comfort. She shook her head in answer to Remus's question, but didn't otherwise respond. It was several minutes before she whispered, "He's sadistic." The twins looked at each other with looks of horror, wondering what this girl had witnessed. Finally, she acted in a predictable way; she began sobbing. Fred cast a quick silencing over the room and she turned towards George, burying her face in his shoulder, sobs wracking her body. She was choking on her breaths and George wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. He looked to Fred who looked to the older men who were at as much of a loss as the young men were.

Sirius transformed into the big black dog, curling up and covering his ears with his paws, the heart-wrenching sound painful to listen to. Remus watched the girl who had somehow witnessed something so painfully horrifying that it transformed her into something they had never seen from her. Remus had seen her both sad and angry in the past, but this seeming agony was something he had never thought he would see from her.

George held her tightly for several more minutes, rocking her back and forth. He looked to his brother, their pain for their foster sister as real as her own. When her sobs subsided into hiccups, she drew away from him, scrubbing at her eyes and splotchy cheeks. Fred pulled her toward him, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head before drawing away to look into her face. "Are you okay?" he asked carefully.

She shook her head answering, "I will be." She looked up at Remus, the corners of her lips lifting in a humorless smile when she saw the dog at his feet. "I'm sorry for waking you all." Remus shook his head trying to erase the disturbed expression on his face.

"Blame Sirius here," he explained. The dog looked up into her face, worry on the mutt's face before he transformed back into the thin, black haired man.

"I couldn't sleep," he explained. "Thought I'd go get a drink and when Remus was asleep, I thought I'd see if you would join me in my insomnia. You were thrashing around. I know a nightmare when he see it." Her lips again lifted into another smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"I heard Sirius's voice when he tried to wake you up," Remus added.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again, blushing slightly.

"Do you feel better?" Fred asked. "Do you want us to leave?"

"No!" her eyes turned panicked again as she gripped both her friends' sleeves. "No, please don't leave. I can't," she gasped, beginning to hyperventilate. "I can't dream again!"

"Okay, okay," George said quickly, "we'll stay here." She nodded, gulping down air, trying to regulate her breathing again.

"I'm not sure your mother will approve of that," Remus said lightly, holding up his hands in surrender when both of the twins looked quickly toward him with threatening looks and angry words ready. "Alright, alright," he said, just in the same way George had when soothing Skylar. "We'll stay here to…chaperone. Make sure Molly doesn't think anything untoward." The twins nodded and all three of the teens settled together laying down. Sirius was shocked they all fit on the thin twin-sized bed. He transformed himself into the dog once again, leaping onto the unoccupied bed, eyes on the three kids while Remus reclined in the chair. Sirius nodded off first, then the twins, then Remus, but Skylar stayed awake the whole night, until dawn's light crept through the window, still haunted by the thoughts she had seen.


	4. The Morning After

I made myself get up. The others were still asleep and George only shifted when I crawled over him, turned onto his side and continued his soft snoring. My feet hit the floor and I shivered. Winter mornings were not kind in 12 Grimmauld Place. I padded towards the door, careful not to wake any of the men. Padfoot's ears twitched when my weight fell on the squeaky floorboard by the door, but he didn't wake and I was grateful. I tiptoed through the house. No one was awake yet and I was careful to keep it that way. I could not face them yet. I ended up in the kitchen again. Had I been in a better state, I would have I would have wondered to myself why I always ended up there. I would have made a joke that I should be enormously fat. As it was I found myself considering Sirius's firewhiskey.

I had never drunk liquor before. My parents, my biological, American parents, had taught me never to drink, never to smoke, never to do drugs, never to have sex out of wedlock, and despite them tossing me out, I had never heard one reasonable argument for them being wrong on those counts. Why would you hurt your body and mind for a bit of 'fun' as my friends always called it? Why would you want to be out of control of your own self? Why would you give so much of yourself to someone without any sort of commitment that they would take care of it? My mind hadn't changed, not really, but the idea of being numb, of _forgetting_ sounded so welcoming. A few sips couldn't really hurt, could they?

"What are you doing?" Ginny had entered the kitchen without my noticing and I dropped my hand from the bottle on the shelf.

"Nothing, Ginny," I said without turning. "I woke up early and came down for some tea."

"Sounds perfect. Make me some too, will you?" I heard a chair protest as it was pulled back from the table and Ginny's grateful moan as she sat down. I could not talk to her. I could not face her and act normal and lighthearted. Not yet.

"Actually, I can't seem to find it," I said. I turned and stalked out of the kitchen. I could feel her looking after me as the door swung shut between us. I scurried up the stairs, planning to go back to my bedroom, but remembered just in time that it was already full. I froze trying to decide where to go instead. The creak I heard inside spurred me to move before I had a plan and without thinking, I ran up the staircase and then up the next, but then there were no more. I was on the top floor of the house where it was quiet. There were only two bedrooms on that level and I could not hide in the one on the left. That one was Sirius's and he could return at any moment. So I turned to the bedroom on the right. I ran in without looking and froze in my steps.

The room looked like my room. Not my guest room here in Grimmauld Place, nor the room I shared with Ginny at the Burrow, it was my room. The entire house was decorated dark, much like the Slytherin common room, but none of the other bedrooms in the house looked like an exact replica of my Hogwarts dormitory. Well, maybe not _exact_. Everything looked like it was made of higher quality, but other than that.… I almost felt myself looking around for Tatiana and Lucille.

But there were no annoying roommates, no extra beds to accommodate them. There were bookshelves like the ones I had convinced the house elves to help me build, all stuffed with books. There were posters and pictures and newspaper clippings all pinned up on one wall, just like I had. They were of different things than I had of course, but they were placed almost exactly as I had placed mine. The only thing in there that would have been completely out of place in my own room was the Black crest that hung over the bed.

Rather that investigating the pin ups or the bookshelves or the pictures around the room, I closed the door and walked to the bed. No one would look for me here. No one would even think of it. So I curled up on the bed knowing that I would be left alone for a long, long time.

I didn't sleep—that would have been foolish. I would have dreamt again and it would have been of more nightmares. They always were. Imagine it, would you; everyone's worse fears stuffed into your head and their terror along with it. Ginny was afraid of voices in the dark. Harry was afraid of himself. Hermione was afraid of her friends abandoning her. Ron was afraid of spiders of every variety. George was afraid of being stuck in a pit all alone. Fred was afraid of being buried alive. Remus was afraid of the wolf inside him. Sirius was afraid of not being able to help the people he loved. Molly was afraid of the deaths of her family. Arthur was afraid of being attacked in the night. I couldn't even remember what I had been afraid of before all of it—I was afraid of all of it now.

So I stayed there, curled up on the dusty silk comforter like a defenseless infant. Because I couldn't do anything else. I just didn't have the energy.

I didn't move until the sun slanted through the windows and into my eyes. I could hear people moving through the house. About an hour before, they had been calling my name, but they had eventually stopped when I didn't respond. When the sunlight couldn't be avoided anymore, I crept from my hole and down to my bedroom. It was empty again, but before they had left, they had made my bed, the chaos I had left, put right. The room was still in a skin-prickling way. I grabbed my clothes, towel, comb, toothbrush, toothpaste and makeup and went to the bathroom. As I showered, I imagined all the paralyzing fear I felt as a noxious toxin oozing out my pores and coating my skin and tangling my hair. I imagined the hot water and soap cutting through it all and washing it down the drain. When I got out, I wrapped myself in my towel and combed out my hair, pretending that the knots in my hair were the knots in my muscles and that that everything was going to be fine. I brushed my teeth and applied a bit of makeup, imagining the mask I was putting on. It was thicker than the powder I put on my nose and the mascara that coated my eyelashes. It was invincible. No one could see through it. No one could break it. I would take it off before I went to bed, but until then, it would keep me and everyone around me safe.

I made my smile light. I made my eyes bright. And I headed into battle.

"Skylar, dear, there you are!" Molly smiled at me. There was nothing in her mind to suggest suspicion. She didn't know about the previous night's nightmares. Fred, George and Sirius did though and they were all looking at me like I was a Faberge egg on the edge of the shelf and about to fall.

"Sorry, Molly," I smiled at her. "I fell asleep in a corner of the library. You know how I am," I shrugged with a smile.

"Really? We didn't see you in there."

"Are you sure? You must have just missed me. Is there any breakfast left?" She looked at me with some concern, but nothing too targeted.

"Yes, dear. On the table." I wandered to the table where Sirius pushed a covered plate towards me. When I peeled off the foil, I found French toast and sausage, my favorite. I looked up at the boys still watching me.

"Where's Remus?" I asked instead of addressing the issue in front of me. None of the men looking at me with worry answered. Molly heard me though.

"He's on a mission for the Order. Shouldn't be more than a few days." I smiled at her while she leaned over me to refill my glass with milk.

"Sounds good. Thank you for breakfast, Molly."

"You're welcome, dear, but it was Fred and George's idea." I looked at the twins again, both of whom were looking at me with the flattest looks I had seen from them in a long, long time. That look was almost never directed at me. It was directed at Percy or Binns or the other Slytherins, but not me. It was the look that said 'cut the shit'. I ignored them.

"Well, it's great. Thanks, guys." I tugged on a bit of Fred's hair. Molly patted his shoulder before moving to Ginny who had come down dressed this time.

"We thought perhaps you needed something good after last night," George growled across the table.

"Why would I need something good?" I asked. I sounded like an airhead even to myself. I sounded like Lucille when she looked at me with those big blank eyes. I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. "It was just a little bad dream," I added with a shrug. I tried to change my voice, but though the pitch changed, the feeling was the same and I knew the three men facing me knew it.

"A _little bad dream_ ," Sirius hissed across the table to me.

"Yes," I told him. This time, my voice was sharp and commanding. "One little bad dream. That's it."

"No, it's not," Fred argued. I ignored him and cut into my French toast. I could feel them all looking at me while I ate and I kept ignoring them. I didn't look up at them once. When I finished, I picked up my plate and my glass and I took it to the sink.

"Thanks, Molly," I said again before walking out the kitchen door. Before I was past the formal dining room table, I heard the door open behind me and three sets of heavy steps closing the distance between us. I supposed that I should have expected that they wouldn't leave me alone, but what I didn't expect was for the twins to each grab an arm and march me up the stairs, Sirius leading the way.

 _"Let me go, let me go, let me go,"_ I hissed. I could feel the panic rising up in me that came from too many memories of Snape looking into the minds of those who attacked others for fun. On some rational level of my mind, I knew that none of them meant me harm, but on a more animalist level that I couldn't control, I was terrified and I fought. I dug in my heels, I strained and thrashed to escape their grasp, I threw my weight from side to side trying to throw them off, but they just held on tighter. When I wouldn't move my feet enough to move up the stairs, the twins sighed on either side of me and simply lifted me by the arms. I fought so much that there were several times we almost fell backwards down the stairs, but they never once let go.

"Don't make us petrify you, Skylar," Fred threatened. I should have gone limp or meek, but I only fought harder until suddenly, after a quick wand movement from my left, I could not move at all. I mentally screamed, but I could do nothing, except dart my eyes from one man to the next. They took me back to my bedroom again. The twins set me on the bed and backed up carefully. "I'm going to take it off now, Skylar. Don't blow up, please." Fred raised his wand and pointed it at me.

I had my wand drawn and aimed in a second. Only Fred's sharp reminder that I could not use magic out of school yet kept me from hexing them all. I was breathing harshly as I pressed myself against the wall between the beds, wand still raised in their direction. They stood opposite me in an even line with one another. Fred and George had both pocketed their wands and held their hands out in front of them, but Sirius retained his wand, though he held it at his side.

 _"How dare you,"_ I hissed. They were blocking the door. There was no escape and I felt nauseous; I didn't want to vomit in front of them. I gulped on my gag reflexes, forcing my breathing to calm and my posture to relax.

"How dare _us?_ " Fred and George shouted as one. Sirius locked the door and threw a silencing charm over the room before we could attract attention from the rest of the house's residents. "How dare _you!_ " Fred continued.

"You were gone this morning!" George scolded me and I scowled at his tone. I wasn't a child. "We didn't know where you had gone. You could have gotten yourself hurt!"

"Oh, please," I growled at them. "I was fine! And it's none of your business where I was," I added before they could ask.

"It's my house," Sirius argued.

"You want nothing to do with this house," I shot back.

"That is not the issue!" In the moment, the three pranksters didn't look like they had ever told a joke in their lives. It pulled at something in my chest and I nearly apologized. But I was a Slytherin. Besides, in this case at least, I was not in the wrong.

"Then, please, enlighten me as to what _is_ the issue," I sneered.

"What the hell was that last night?" I glared at them each in turn and said nothing. Fred pressed again. "What was that, Skylar?" Their minds were adamant and immoveable. I would not be able to avoid this conversation, I would not be able to manipulate them out of my way. Both Fred and Sirius were considering using a sticking charm to glue me to the bed until I confided in them. George had already considered the idea and discarded it, knowing that I would just unmake the bed and carry whatever blanket I was still stuck to away with me. Instead, he was considering sticking me to the wall or the ceiling.

"That, _Weasley_ ," I snipped and both boys flinched. They might occasionally call me 'French', but I never called them by their last name. "That was a nightmare." All three men were grinding their teeth together.

"We knew _that_ ," Sirius growled and I arched my eyebrows at him.

"Then why are you still asking?" I sounded like Tatiana at her worst; what worried me was that I knew that this wasn't yet _my_ worst.

"I know nightmares, little girl," Sirius said as he stalked towards me and I drew back against the wall again. "That wasn't just a 'little bad dream'."

"Use some perspective, Black," I retorted quietly. "It could have been much, much worse." He looked at me in shock, his jaw hanging open, the twins behind him holding expressions of revulsion.

"Worse?" Fred whispered. "Last night you dreamed of You-Know-Who. How could it have been worse?" Again, I could tell that they weren't going to let me go on that. So, I gave them an answer, even though I knew they wouldn't like it, before pushing past their frozen forms and out the door.

"I could have been receiving the Cruciatus Curse rather than preforming it."

I returned to the abandoned bedroom several times over the next few days. According to the plaque by the door, it had belonged to Regulus Arcturus Black, Sirius's little brother. I didn't know much about kid; Sirius had a self-preserving habit of repressing memories of his brother and no one liked to talk about Regulus when Sirius was around. Regulus had been a Slytherin, like the rest of his family, which was obvious from the room's décor. He had been initiated into the Death Eaters' ranks early, when he was just sixteen. That wasn't surprising when one looked closely at the articles pinned up on his wall. They were yellowing and curling with age, but still readable. And they were all about the Dark Lord and his followers. Suspected hide outs, suspected Death Eaters, murders committed with the Dark Mark left behind, disappearances suspected to be a their hands, entire muggle villages decimated, muggleborns strung up. I should have felt like vomiting at some of the descriptions, but to be honest, I just felt so _numb_. I should have been surprised that people, actual human beings, could stoop this low, but at this point, very little surprised me. I knew that no matter what I heard, there was always something worse happening somewhere. I tried to shut my mind off to it.

According to Sirius, sometime after graduating from Hogwarts, Regulus had gotten cold feet and tried to run from the Dark Lord, but the Dark Mark signifies a lifelong commitment. And if you aren't committed, it'll turn out that your life isn't as long as you expected. Regulus had been just eighteen years old.

Still, oddly enough, I was comfortable in his room. Regulus had several bookshelves, stuffed with books, like I had always wished I could have. I suppose that having access to the ancient family fortune meant that there wasn't a limit at the bookstore. There was a wide variety of books, subjects ranging from benign to intellectual to dark. There were several shelves stuffed full of books about dark magic; torture and interrogation and murder and crippling and all sorts of acts that would dehumanize the sweetest of Hufflepuffs. Despite the subject matter of some of the books, the familiar objects soothed me.

It was Sirius that finally found me. I had spent the better part of three days hiding in Regulus's room, reading on the comfortable bed and blocking out the rest of the world. But then, the door creaked open without my permission and I looked up defensively, wand already drawn.

He didn't look at me immediately. He was looking at the room and I knew it had been years since he had seen the place. In his mind's eye, there was no dust, the chandelier's candles were neatly trimmed and not wax icicles. The silver shone and the wood was polished. The window was washed and the sun penetrated the room brightly. He looked disappointed for just the barest moment when it was me he saw sitting on the bed. "Why are you in here?" he asked after clearing his throat.

"It's comfortable," I said simply. He looked at me like I was insane and I realized that, in his eyes, I was. That room epitomized everything he hated about his family. He had fought against everything in there from the standard Black family décor to the sibling rivalry to the subjects of the newspaper clippings. And I was _comfortable._ I hurried to explain myself before his rising temper was let loose. "I'm Slytherin," I said with a nod to the banners on the wall. "The décor is familiar. And I got the house elves to help me build a bookshelf just like that one, and if I had a mountain of galleons, my bookshelf would be just as full as that one. I've got pictures and articles hung on my wall just like that and…." I trailed off when I saw that he wasn't listening to me anymore. In fact, he had stopped sometime around the word 'Slytherin'.

He stood there silently for several minutes and I didn't know what to say, or if I should even try to say anything. He was lost in his thoughts. A boy ran through the memories—a little black haired boy always tagging after his big brother until he couldn't. The same boy, older, a teen, glaring down the Hogwarts corridors and dutifully shooting hexes at his big brother when the professors weren't looking. A stony faced young man who wouldn't meet his big brother's eye as the brother fled the house, permanently that time. A big brother who never saw his little brother again. It hurt to watch. To distract myself, I turned my head and reread the articles on the wall.

"The Hat hesitated," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"The Hat, the Sorting Hat, it hesitated when it was sorting him." I noticed that he didn't refer to his brother by name. "The Blacks, we've always been sorted quickly, within seconds usually. Even I was. But it took a full two minutes before the Hat put him in Slytherin." I absorbed this information, trying to understand his exact implications. "He wasn't completely _this_ ," he whispered dejected.

"I know. He ran away, remember?"

"And he died for it," he said bitterly.

"Which would you prefer," I asked, irritated. "A Death Eater brother, or a dead brother." He winced and I felt instant remorse. "I'm sorry."

"Did you really preform the Cruciatus Curse?" he asked quietly. I looked at him, wondering how he would judge me if I had. There was revulsion in his mind—he had been hit with the Curse once and he knew the agony involved—but it was not directed at me. He was carefully holding back until I confessed.

"No." He expelled a breath in relief. "They're memories. I see what they did from their perspective, whether they were the victim or the attacker."

"Who could you possibly have seen that in?" he demanded. He still felt protective of me after everything that had happened. He wanted to break the nose of whoever had forced me to experience those things.

"S-Snape has seen many minds. I've seen many through his." It was a half-truth. If I could bluff well enough, he would think I was seeing third-hand thoughts from some nameless Death Eater Severus had probed. Sirius didn't need to know what the Dark Lord had made him do to prove his loyalty in that grave yard.

"He shouldn't be showing you those things," Sirius snarled, thankfully not noticing my twisted grimace.

"It's alright."

We stood silently before Sirius snapped his fingers and exclaimed, "I was supposed to get you for dinner!" I chuckled despite myself and pulled myself off the bed.

"I guess we'd better go down now. Otherwise, Molly is going to have a fit."

As we descended the stairs, Sirius put his arm around my shoulders. "How long have you known I was up there?" I asked quietly as we passed Mrs. Black's covered portrait.

"Yesterday," he said with chagrin. "I heard a thump and cursing." He looked over to grin at me mischievously. I knew what he was talking about. I had stubbed my little toe on the dresser and it had hurt like a kneazle bite. "I didn't know you knew so many colorful words," he teased.

"Shut the bloody hell up, Black," I commanded with a smile of my own.

I hadn't assuaged anyone's worry about me. Fred, George, Sirius and Remus still looked at me with concern, insisting that I eat more and go to bed early. However, there was always a black dog sitting against my side and a redheaded twin holding my hand when I woke with a shriek.


	5. Down with Dumbledore

A/N: This takes place before the last two chapters.

I was running from nightmares. Down the stairs and into the living room where I knew Molly would have left a warm and comforting fire burning. And as had happened on more than one occasion, I found my fellow insomniacs had beat me there. Remus sat on the long sofa reading. Sirius was, for once, asleep. Stretched out lengthwise, he lay with his head on Remus's lap while Remus absentmindedly ran his fingers through the darker man's hair like he was petting a dog. It would have been peaceful if I couldn't see the lines still creasing both foreheads. "Good evening, Skylar," Remus said, noticing me watching them.

"Hello. Am I interrupting something?" I waggled my eyebrows and he quietly rolled his eyes.

"Of course not, come in." I obeyed and tucked myself into the large armchair. It wasn't as comfortable as it could have been, being designed for appearance rather than coziness, but I wasn't about to move to the couch and potentially wake Sirius. God knew the man needed all the sleep he could get. "What brings you down tonight?" Remus asked. Over the summer, we three had become accustomed to each other's company after the rest had gone to sleep. Especially near the full moon, Remus feared the darkness outside the walls while Sirius feared the darkness within. I feared the darkness inside my own head. Now it was winter break and my mind had only become more shadowed. The memories Severus passed to me were so much worse than they had been. The Dark Lord's return had brought memories he hadn't realized he still had bubbling to the surface and into my nightmares. At Hogwarts, there were dreamless sleep potions, but those took time to make and I couldn't ask anyone here in Grimmauld Place to purchase them for me without raising suspicions. So I simply avoided sleep. It wasn't as hard as you might think.

"The usual," I shrugged pretending to focus on Sirius rather than Remus. "And for you two? I'm sure there are more private places to cuddle," I added flippantly. Remus sighed, grumbling internally before answering me.

"Sirius had a nightmare and came looking for me." I dropped my teasing expression like a hot poker, focusing on the sleeping man for real this time.

"What about?" I asked, already preparing to look into his mind. It is considerably more difficult to see a person's thoughts when they are sleeping, but it is not impossible. I would not generally recommend it though; the thoughts of a sleeping man are chaotic and confusing.

"That is none of your business," Remus snapped. I looked at him, shocked. Remus was a passionate person. Volatile, ready to fight at a moment's notice and a pottymouth to boot, but he rarely showed any of that on the outside. He worked hard to keep his expressions, actions and words calm and sedate. His father had taught him that acting meek would keep people from being suspicious about his _condition_. His mother had taught him that acting meek would control the wolf inside him. Neither had proved especially true, but he never stopped trying. His sharp look and tone startled me. I had never seen him like that except in Sirius's memory. "His nightmares are not for you, Skylar," he said, internally battling between going back to his usual coolness and defending his friend.

"Sorry," I apologized after a moment. "It was habit." Remus relaxed after another moment and reopened the book neither of us had realized he had snapped shut. He carefully build his cool exterior back up while pretending to read, forgetting, again, that he couldn't hide the internal struggle from me. I refrained from reminding him.

"You habitually invade the dreams of others?" he asked finally, arching a brow in his usual quiet way.

"Sometimes, you know, if their talking in their sleep or something. Mostly my roommates when their being annoying and I need blackmail."

"That should worry me," he said.

"But it doesn't." He didn't argue because I could see the truth in his head. "Don't worry, you're not our professor anymore so you don't have to feel guilty for your apathy." He regarded me for a moment before chuckling softly.

"I don't think I will ever get used to that trick of yours," he said and tapped his temple.

"Good. If you did you might try to learn Occlumency and you are one of the few people I know with the patience and willpower to succeed. Life would get so boring without your cuss filled commentary."

"I don't swear!" he protested weakly.

"Not so that anyone can hear, at least, but remember," I smirked, "your filter doesn't work on me." He groaned quietly, a few of those choice words dotting his mind.

"If you don't mind, I think I'll return to my reading," he said. I didn't object as I burrowed further down into the straight backed chair. I considered reading along with him in his thoughts, but after just a moment, I quit. His book was a dreadfully dull dissertation on whether or not trolls were causing the recent rash of avalanches or simple tectonics. Of course, the book was written in 1927 so 'recent' was no longer accurate and I saw no point in continuing to follow along. Instead, I turned my thoughts to Sirius.

Not to his nightmares of course—I might not have any need to fear the wolf with the moon waning, but Remus was a formidable opponent—but there was still much to think about. Sirius was…odd. A pureblood who hated his bloodstatus, a criminal who had yet to commit the crime he had been imprisoned for—one which he desperately looked forward to committing—and a loyal friend 'til the end.

I had known him for just over two years and the entire time, his thoughts were evenly divided between Harry, Remus, the traitor Wormtail, and James and Lily. Even when living off rats in the Forbidden Forest and the caves of Hogsmeade, only the smallest sliver of his mind had been reserved for his own survival. He wanted nothing more than to protect Harry. He had made a promise to Harry, back on the night they had met in the Shrieking Shack, that they could be a proper family and the hope of that promised day was one of the few thoughts strong enough to keep him in this godforsaken house. Dumbledore had promised him that Harry would be safest in Hogwarts and away from a wanted criminal. Dumbledore….Sirius had a great deal of anger towards the old man. I didn't disagree, necessarily, but we had different reasons for our ire. Sirius hated his rules; I hated his manipulation.

The old headmaster was just as talented as everyone thought and his mind was well guarded. When Severus and I had brought Sirius and the others into the castle, Dumbledore had suffered a moment of shock and I had been able to sneak into his mind for just a moment. His thoughts toward Sirius… _damn that man._

"What's Sirius done this time," Remus asked, his hands stilling in his friend's hair. I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until I heard the echo of my words in his head. "Or is it his dreams that offend you?" he asked. He said the words lightly, but there was stinging defensiveness in his thoughts.

"No," I shook my head. "Not him. I was…thinking."

"Who are you cursing to the depths of hell then?" Remus asked. The emotion in my voice had surprised him. It surprised me to, come to think of it. "I do hope it isn't me." I regarded him before answering.

"Dumbledore." His eyes snapped widely in shock before his furrowing his brow.

" _Dumbledore?"_

"Yes, Dumbledore." His mind was curious, but I refused to answer the question until he asked it.

"Why?"

"Because he is heartless."

"Excuse me? _Heartless?_ " He could not match the word to the man he knew. The man with a twinkle in his eye and a kind smile. The man who had come personally to invite him to Hogwarts and assure his parents that Remus would be safe. The man who had offered him a well-paying job when none else would. "How can you say that? Dumbledore—"

"—knew Sirius was innocent," I interrupted, effectively shutting the man up. His mind rang with unbelief and denial and I pitied him. "When Sirius was arrested, Albus Dumbledore couldn't believe that he had betrayed James and Lily. He didn't know who _had_ , but he would have suspected anyone over Sirius, even you, and he still allowed them to send Sirius to Azkaban without a trial. He is the most influential wizard in the country! If he had tried to save him, he could have."

"There was no one else," Remus sputtered finally. "It had to be Sirius, even _I_ thought—"

"He didn't. He was nearly positive that it wasn't Sirius, but…the war was over. The Dark Lord had fallen and he had no use for his toy soldiers any more. And he knew perfectly well that Sirius would not allow him to place Harry with Petunia and her husband. Azkaban kept the Sirius out of the way."

"No, you must be wrong!" Remus refused to accept the ruining of his childhood hero. "He must have been sure!"

"Even if he was, Remus," I scowled. "He gave _Severus_ a second chance and he knew with absolute surety of _his_ guilt. But he had a purpose for Severus that he didn't have for Sirius. Sirius was discarded. How can you possibly defend the man?"

"He—he has given me _everything!_ He has always taken care of me—"

"And your friends?" I arched my brow. "No, he discards them when they're not useful to him. You were alone for twelve years because of that man!" Remus's befuddled mind prepared to argue again, but I cut him off with a sigh and hit the final point. "Harry was placed with relatives who hated him. They neglected him and verbally abused him. They still do when he is forced back to their home. Without Dumbledore's meddling, Harry would have been taken care of. James and Lily's baby boy would have grown up in a home with people who loved him. Is there anything worth what Dumbledore did to that boy?"

He sat there gaping at me for several moments. Without waiting for his mouth to catch up with his mixed up mind, I turned, tucking my face into the back of the chair and letting the fire warm my back. "Get some sleep, Remus," I muttered. It was several minutes before I took my own advice, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Moony?" Sirius rolled from his side to his back, he head still on his friend's leg. Remus's hand finally shifted out of the dark hair. "Is it morning?"

"Not yet, Padfoot. It's about four in the…." Remus trailed off, his attention on something else.

"Why are you still awake, Moony? Go to sleep." Remus still had a unfocused look in his eye. "Remus? What's wrong?" He grew restless and sat up, grabbing his friend by the chin and pulling his gaze towards himself. "Remus?"

"Sirius…" he trailed off before speaking again. "Sirius do you remember when we thought all Slytherins were heartless bitches?" Sirius barked out a shocked laugh at the reference to the schoolboy taunt he had nearly forgotten.

"They're still all heartless bitches!" he chortled.

"Not that one," Remus pointed to the armchair Sirius had not yet realized was filled. The curling blond hair obviously belonged to a sleeping Skylar French. "That one has one of the most loyal hearts I've ever seen." Slowly, Remus stood, still deep in thought and left with ignoring Sirius's peeved mumble of good night. Sirius turned his gaze back to the sleeping girl and wondered what he had missed.


End file.
